(To be read while the tune “Trump, Trump, Trump the boys are marching!” plays in the background. – Got it in your head? Okay, then go ahead and read the piece.)
Okay, that’s it. I’ve had enough. Otherwise intelligent people who are supporting Donald Trump, have forced me to take a second look at what he has to offer and I’m in. Donald’s got me. What a guy. He’s the bestest, smartest, handsomest man in the whole wide wonderful world. Just like he says he is. And he can fix everything. Just like he says he will.
I give in to all that his supporters are looking forward to, including, but not limited to (because the Donald is liable to change things at any time, which is part of the excitement), a “big beautiful wall” paid for by the Mexican Government. I don’t know how he’ll get it done, but we need to have a little faith. Not too much though, or he’ll keep you and everyone you know out of the country under suspicion of being religious nutjobs.
He’s the world’s greatest dealmaker and somehow, he’ll do it. That, and so much more. He’s gonna “make America great again.” Remember when we used to be great? Back iin the 50’s and 60’s, when corporate taxes were sky-high and the slave states were still segregated and Russia was threatening to pull the trigger on armageddon while we all did our “duck and cover” drills under our desks in school? Remember how great that was? Fantastic!
Donald, the bestest, smartest man that ever was, says he wants to take us back there once again. Presuming that’s the “then” he keeps talking about. He’s never been all that specific.
But more of the dream!
The more than 11-million undocumented persons in America will be rounded up and sent packing. Those who were born here can stay, but their parents will have to leave. There will be orphans all over the place and nobody left to pick the produce and service the hospitality industry but somehow the Donald will make it work. Because he’s our magic man.
Never mind that studies show Mexicans “leaving the U.S. in droves,” searching out a better life south of the border. I recall my amazment when the Los Angeles Times reported that net migration was “close to zero,” while Jan Brewer and her xenophobic, fear-mongering gang continued complaining about the wave of illegals arriving daily, many of them kids who would be killed if they stayed in Central America. The kind of refugees the world has always admired us for taking in.
The Donald says wild-eyed rapists are pouring across the border! Whole gangs of them! Rapists! Not kids. Mexico, is sending rapists after our mothers, wives and daughters! Oh, my God! Baby rapers are coming over the border!
Facts? We don’t need no stinkin’ facts. If anybody tries to throw facts in your face, just take care of business and have somebody carry them out of the building on a stretcher. The Donald says he’ll pick up your legal fees. Really. That’s what he said.
Imagine what a wonderful world it will be when Donald insitutes a new torture mandate for our military and CIA, which will then come up with tons of new intelligence on the Middle East, giving Donald the green light to fill his promise of carpet-bombing the hell out of the area. And that will be the end of ISIS. And anybody else who screws around with us. The Donald will make it happen. Anybody messes with us, we’ll just kill everyone in sight. Like we did in Vietnam. And Iraq. Just bomb the hell out of everybody. Remember how well that worked?
Just think of all the new money that will be around, once our new fearless leader kills or cuts Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security, which the Trumpster has called “wasteful entitlement programs.” The elderly might have a problem or two, but they can always eat catfood. Old people don’t need much anyway and all that new money can then be tansferred over to build up our puny military, which is already larger than the next nine developed nations of the world combined.
And thank God, he’ll end “Obamacare!” You can be sure that’ll work like a dream. The insurance industry, finally free from all it’s entanglements and unreasonable restraint, will be able to handle it all, setting the rates and deciding what’s best for us. They’re all fair and wonderful people. They’ll look out for us and do what’s right. Anyway, it’s better than Communisim, isn’t it?
Damn Commies! Don’t let any of those pseudo-intellectuals fool you! A Socialist is a Communist is a Socialist is a Communist is a Socialist! Get it? Living on a commune with nothing but potatoes, vodka, a rare can of beans and a cot while you shiver in the cold. Have you ever been to Vermont? That’s exactly what it’s like. No need to worry about the cost of education there. Your kids will be home-schooled by your hippie neighbors who will also dispense homeopathic cures. Commies all over the place.
And boy, oh boy, is Trump gonna get China! And Japan! And India! No more of their exporting all their slave-wage, state subsidized stuff to us. No way, not with the great negotiator at the helm. He’s gonna give the middle finger to all the world, putting up trade barriers, stopping them from exporting all their crap into the U.S., which will be a profit-killer for the multi-national corporations that currently control the Congress….which will….oh, never mind. Don’t try and think it through too much, you’ll just get a headache. The Trumpster will take care of it all. Have a little faith in the art of the deal. He’s the smartest man and the best deal maker that ever was, haven’t you heard? The bestest and the smartest and the handsomest too. What a guy.
He’s endowed with super-hearing, you know. It’s a given as he’s the only man in America who heard groups of Arabs cheering when the twin towers came down.
And you can be sure, because he’s the Donald, that the House and Senate will worship at his golden-toed feet, giving automatic approval to everything and anything he wants.
Take another pill and don’t worry about it, America! Listen to the siren call of Trump and his Trumpettes, as they carry you away into the land of under-regulated free trade and Wall Street greed….sleep…..sleep.
And so I do hereby surrender to the fantastic, wonderful and magical world of Donald Trump and his followers. I’m ready to make Amerika great again! Er, America, I mean. To move forward with Mr. Trump’s bold and beautiful vision, whatever that may eventually be.
Oh wait. Trump has just said that he’s changed his mind. That he’ll leave Social Scurity and Medicare alone. See, isn’t this exciting? So much better than the utter boredom of reality-based politics.