The World Cup Runneth Over – French Melt Down While Brits Issue Vuvuzela Alert

   Just watched the Brazil/Ivory Coast game.   Some interesting strategy was employed by a player for the Ivory Coast.  He ran straight for one of Brazil’s players, who put out his arm at chest level to stop the collision.  It was a set up.  The Ivory Coast player, a fellow by the name of Keita, fell to the ground faking an injury.   Not to his chest where there was only slight contact,  but to his face, where there was no contact at all.   He did a real drama queen number, rolling around on the ground, holding his hands over his uninjured face.  Thing is, the ref bought it.  He gave the Brazilian player one of those cards, a red one.  That’s bad.  So, the Brazilian, a guy by the name of “Kaka,” is out of the next game.  And there are four officials who are supposed to be keeping an eye on the action.  I think.  I’m learning this stuff as I go along.  Apparently, Kaka, is one of the best players in the world.  Poor Kaka, he really got the shaft.

But wait, it didn’t stop there.  Down by two goals and desperate, the Ivory Coast guys then started kicking the Brazilians in the shins.   It got so bad that Elano of Brazil had to be carried off the field on a stretcher following a nasty tackle.  Never underestimate the wrath of a desperate drama queen.  No matter though, the final was Brazil -3, Ivory Coast – 1.

Meantime, the French team is getting a little loopy.   Or, as the Associated Press puts it, “France’s players act like brats….Refusing to train. Cursing out their coach. Sulking en masse on their team bus, curtains drawn. Having fits in view of television cameras.”

Apparently their coach, Raymond Domenech, got into an argument with one of his millionaire, superstar players and sent him home.  Then the team’s Director,  Jean-Louis Valentin, got into it with another player,  which ended with Valentin throwing a fit and leaving the field in tears.   So he’s apparently headed home as well.  Beyond that, the players reportedly hate the coach and have refused to appear for practice.   All of France in fact, is apparently still irked at the guy for announcing his wedding engagement just minutes after his team was eliminated from a major European tournament and think he should have been sacked back in 1998.

Sounds like this guy could be the next CEO for BP?

It’s like one of those bad jokes about the French.  Except this is actually happening.  Will they show up for their next game and if they do, will they ignore their coach and just do whatever they feel like doing?  Croissants, quiche and Perier-jouet at halftime?   Maybe a string quartet and some fresh-cut flowers in the locker room?  Somebody get Susan Lucci on the phone.

If that’s not enough, we now have health concerns.   Better head to Big-5 and stock up on ear plugs, because we’ve got a vuvuzela alert from the Bits.

“The Royal National Institute for Deaf People (RNID) says there’s a risk of temporary tinnitus or permanent hearing damage posed by being surrounded by the plastic horns, which are popular with South African supporters.

If you are unlucky enough to have a vuvuzela just behind you in the stadium, you’ll endure more than 125 decibels of sound, which can hurt your hearing.

The vuvuzela is louder than a chain saw or lawn mower at 110 decibels and an ambulance siren at 120.

The hearing damage is likely to be made worse by noisy parties after the match — win or lose.” –WebMD

Maybe those infernal vuvuzela horns are scrambling the players’s brains?  The French have a reputation for being a little touchy anyway, so who can say what impact all that low frequency buzzing is having?

World Cup soccer.  It just keeps getting better.  God knows what they’ll be up to by the time they hit the finals in mid-July.  Operatives from the Ivory Coast running wild in the streets of Paris, kicking clueless frenchmen in the shins while deaf British soccer fans miss their flights at the airport in Johannesburg.

I am a little worried about my wife though.  She wants her own vuvuzela.

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