With Profound Thanks To Michele Bachmann

Michele Bachmann, has announced that she won’t be running for another term in the House.  I am profoundly grateful for what is undoubtedly the best decision of her political career.

I am, you see, a native Minnesotan.  For years I have winced and shuddered as Ms. Bachmann issued factually incorrect statements about the road from Lexington to Concord, the properties of carbon dioxide, how hard the founding fathers worked to abolish slavery and…well, you’ve heard it before.  Repeating it here only makes it all the more embarrassing, particularly for a someone who grew up in Bachmann’s congressional district.

Yes, I will finally come out and say it, Michele Bachmann, is my home-girl.

From the beginning, I haven’t been able to understand why my people back in Minnesota kept reelecting this woman.   Folks in the 6th Congressional District, aren’t stupid.   They are in fact, pretty darn smart.  Most of them.  Except for the old guy who lived in a shack out near Rice Lake and rode a bicycle into town for groceries every couple of weeks.  Nobody ever figured him out.  But he was an exception.  That being the case I’ve arrived at only one possible reason as to why Tea Party princess, Michele Bachmann, kept getting reelected, while pulling stunts  like showing up at the Paynesville airport with a big check from the FAA, after months of grousing about the need to cut federal spending.

I think she was reelected because the many Norwegian bachelor farmers in the area have the hots for her.  To be fair, there are probably any number of Swedes and Danes as well.  I just like the “Norwegian bachelor farmers” term that Garrison Keillor came up with because it’s so regionally descriptive.   There’s a bunch of them up there, it gets killer cold in the winter, and they’re suckers for a pretty smile.  So that must be it.

There could of course be other political metrics involved, what with the investigation by the Office of Congressional Ethics and all, but I really don’t care.  Fact is, I will no longer be forced to live with the fear that someone will discover that I’m from Bachmann’s district and ask for an explanation.  I will no longer feel compelled to write my friends who still live there, pleading with them to vote against Bachmann in the next election.

The 6th District’s political nightmare is finally over.  I am profoundly thankful to Ms. Bachmann, for bringing it to an end.

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