HOT OFF THE WIRES……..

Breaking! Trump sends out military to blow holes in roads to improve transportation. White House says the president feels it’s the least he can do following his success with the USPS and Covid-19.

Breaking! First Lady Melania Trump sprains ankle while pretending to putter in the new and improved rose garden. While struggling to stay upright on 6-inch stilettos, Mrs. Trump was heard saying, “Vy isss diss damn dirty ground so damned vet? Vhere isss Donald? Vire da gardener!” An unnamed supporter standing nearby needed medical attention after being hit in the head by a golden spade Mrs. Trump launched into the air just before hitting the ground. The man is expected to recover.

Breaking! President Trump sounds alarm over failure of Frederick Douglass to respond to repeated invitations to White House dinner. Trump thinks there may be an ANTIFA connection. Anonymous men in black body armor are investigating.

Breaking! The American Academy of Auditory Pediatrics issues warning to keep children out of the room when Kimberly Gullfoyle is speaking. The Academy is working on a system of automatic electronic alerts to guard against potential hearing loss and broken glass.

Broken! Mike Pence to give campaign speech from Ft. McHenry in Baltimore, the nation’s only national park also designated as a shrine. The site was chosen, the White House says, after the Vatican turned down a request to shoot at St. Peters.

……..more to come………