Stop The Presses

 Osama bin Laden

photo: wiki commons

Newsflash:   One of the world’s great ecologists and renowned environmental scientists, Osama bin Laden, has declared global warming to be real.   Finally.  Now we can all stop arguing about that.

In Wichita, a man who admitted to murdering a doctor by shooting him in the head in the foyer of a church where he was serving as an usher  has been convicted of murder, after the court decided that killing a defenseless person with a gun meets the legal definition of first degree murder.  The defense had argued that it does not.

In Baltimore, President Obama took Republican lawmakers to task for opposing him on nearly every proposal he has come up since his birth in August of 1961.  Including tax cuts.  Which he came up with in June of 1964.  (They weren’t big enough to suit the Republicans)  Now that they have been spanked, we can all look forward to the Republicans doing an about-face,  putting politics aside and working hand-in-glove with Mr. Obama in a new spirit of cooperation.  Oh joy, oh joy.

Toyota has announced that it will tell around 4.2 million customers worldwide what they can do about the sticky gas pedal problem that appears to have popped up in some Toyotas–next week.  Until then, best of luck to you all.

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has announced the recall of “The Princess and The Frog” pendants from Walmart stores, because they contain unsafe levels of cadmium.   The pendants were made in……..wait for it……China!   The world’s leader in product safety for children.

I must now leave you to call the pharmacy.  I’m running out of Xanax.

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