It may have something to do with my newfound fondness for the Colbert Report, but I think I’ve finally got it. It came to me in a moment of clarity at the gym.
I’ve finally seen the evangelical light of the Right. The solution is to privatize everything, except the military of course, but we can privatize much of that, too. Come to think of it, we already have. So it’ll be no big thing to take it all the way. Privatize it all. Eviscerate the Federal Government. No more US Postal Service. No food stamps. No more Medicare. Dump the VA. Kill Social Security. Privatize the cops and fire departments. Contraception? It’s the devil’s work. Outlaw birth control. No sex outside of marriage. Just say no. Just pass a law. Burkanize all the women from Burbank to Baltimore. It’s their fault anyway. American women are way too hot and sex is evil. The FDA? What FDA? The drug companies are running their own trials, so what’s the diff? The next time you need a dog catcher, stop whining and catch the damn dog yourself. No more free animal control or health care for anybody.
Do we really need to bear the unbearable burden of funding public education? Pay for it yourself or go without. We have way too many people with too much education over-thinking things as it is. Think about it. If we dumb down society enough, outlaw the unions and kill the minimum wage, all those jobs that have been off-shored will return to the new America, populated by two classes, the very wealthy and the working class poor. Anything is better than the evils of Socialism, and we can get there if we just keep cutting.
Who really needs the Department of Water and Power? Farm it all out to private companies. Publicly funded sewage treatment? Eliminate all that government red tape and the public waste will disappear through privatization. Provide sufficient profit and American ingenuity will find a way to cut through all the crap.
If you want something, go out and get a job and pay for it yourself. Can’t find a job? Tough darts. Pension plan? Do it for yourself or go sleep in the gutter. Or move to one of our beautiful sunshine states and live under a bush. Wrongfully foreclosed upon by one of the big banks? Quit your bitching. It’s free market dog eat dog Capitalism you Commie pinko. And the elderly? Who cares? They’ve outlived their usefulness anyway. Let them live on water and pink slime. Everybody will get what they deserve just like Dubya Bush did. He earned everything he had every step of the way, clawing and scratching his way out of wealth until he made it to the top.
A corporate culture is the only culture we need. Instead of paying taxes to the nasty dysfunctional government, we’ll pay what is sure to be a far more reasonable fee for private companies to take care of us. If you can’t trust the CEO’s, who can you trust? It’ll be far more cost effective than the Democracy thing.