-The phrases "the white stuff," "the wet stuff," and all other "stuff" shall never again be used....by anybody, anywhere, at any time, with no apology to the Gong Show's literary contributions to American society.  An exception shall be made for "The Right Stuff," as that is a legitimate book title.

-No journalist shall ever again refer to a fire as a "blaze."  Nor shall a fireplace be called a "blazeplace" or a firefighter a "blazefighter" or a fire station a "blaze station."

-No journalist shall ever again refer to an accident victim as being "transported" to a hospital.

-No weather reporter shall ever again refer to a snowfall as a "snow shower."  There is such a thing as a "snowfall" or a "dusting of snow" or "moderate snowfall" (commonly called a "snow flurry" or "snow flurries") or "heavy snow" or a "blizzard" or even a "whiteout."  I grew up in Minnesota where farmers had to string a rope from the house to the barn so they wouldn't get lost in the blinding snow when a blizzard blew in.   I never heard of a "whiteout" until I moved to California--but I'll conceed "whiteout."  These people are desperate for drama and I've gotta give them something.  However, snow does not "shower" damn it.  It falls or it flurries!  A "shower" refers to rain.  I know what the dictionary says.  The preferred use of "shower" refers to rain and NOT snow.

-No person desiring to be a broadcast journalist, shall be admitted to a top ten market without first spending at least two years in a small market, followed by another five in a medium sized market, where they will learn never to write about "stuff" or a "blaze."   Minimum pay requirements shall be established for broadcast outlets in all markets below the top ten, so that people can get into the broadcast news business, without living in a box and eating cat food.  Walter Cronkite and Roger Mudd, shall set the minimum pay requirements.

-Consultancy shall be outlawed.

-Excitability shall be banned in all newsrooms, except for the 50 smallest markets.  Violators shall be sentenced to a vacation in the Caribbean with Richard Simmons.

-Experienced journalists shall be allowed to teach less experienced journalists the craft, without fear of a civil suit.

-Congress shall enact a law forbidding the use of cliché's, both in print and over the air.  Violators shall be sentenced to  watching non-stop daytime talk.

-No producer shall be permitted to watch the competition prior to a broadcast.  He or she, will have to figure it out on their own.

-All regional editions of major newspapers shall be eliminated.  If they want to serve another area, let them publish another paper for that area, rather than balkanizing the community they originally intended to serve.  Publishers, shall be permitted three years with no Federal tax followed by substantial tax credits in perpetuity by the Federal Government, for putting out new papers in areas outside their primary market.  The tax credits shall apply only to the newly established papers and not the company as a whole.

-Jimmy Breslin, shall be given his own channel on satellite and cable tv, with funding from members of the U.S. Congress.  Each member of Congress, shall contribute 10% of their annual pay to "The Breslin Channel" -- or whatever Jimmy wants to call it.  A commission headed by Ollie North shall be established to acquire additional funding from whatever sources Ollie still has.  He seems to be able to make this kind of thing work.

-Redundancy shall be outlawed by statute as being generally redundant in nature under the new law which shall be placed there by officially sanctioned legislation and ordinance with bills passed by a duly elected body of official persons.  Violators shall be forced to light the same match twice.

-No broadcast journalist shall refer to people as "persons."  Any person doing this will never again be allowed to use the word "people" when referring to persons.

-Any journalist who re-writes a political press release without adding original content shall be tied to the bumper of a sport utility vehicle and dragged through Joshua Tree National Park for no less than three hours.

-No crying in the newsroom without prior approval and a consensus that it's warranted.  Violators shall be sentenced to a confessional hour with Jimmy Swaggart.

-Cute, shall be banned.  Violators shall be sentenced to dinner with Newt Gingrich.

-Trite, shall be banned.  Violators shall be sentenced to spending the entire month of February, driving sled dogs in Saskatchewan.

-Having no knowledge of what a tugboat is, shall be cause for dismissal.